(It’s long… so be prepared…)
The year left a lasting mark… there was forward motion, but it was a blur… My late wife and I were experiencing the darkest part of our marriage to date… it was a year of intense violence… blood… broken heartedness… betrayal… and deep pain like I’d never known before in my life…
This was the year of shattered glass, shattered dreams and devastating expectations… broken mirrors and broken promises… this was the year that almost killed me… almost… I was involved in a Pentecostal church… I was seeking the power of God… I wanted to experience what I’d heard about the Bible… the whole truth and nothing but the truth… One evening I came home after a long day at the cabinet shop where I worked… the lights were off… the house was completely dark… it was a little daunting and I felt fear come over me…
I approached the front door and turned the knob with caution and hyper awareness… the last conversation I had with my wife was conflict… it was early, I was going to work… “you’re a pathetic husband… do you even care about any of us?…” she spoke so loud that the neighbor stopped for a moment to see what was going on… she pulled one of my daughters close to her as she was holding the other… “you’re a pathetic father… I hope you die on your way to work today…” I was used to these kinds of accusations at this point… it had been about 7 years with her and things kept getting worse…
My thoughts wandered as I slowly opened the door… I thought “if she’s waiting around the corner to attack, how will I respond?… I don’t want to hurt her…” I started to push on the door slowly and then I pushed it hard… no one was in there… I could smell the stench of septic diapers… a typical smell in our home in those days… I cautiously walked up the stairs and proceeded down the main hallway… I stopped to check on my daughters… they were asleep… they seemed to have been asleep for quite a while… I cautiously proceeded to the master bedroom only to find the door locked… I could hear water running… I lightly tapped on the door and said “is everything ok?”… no response…
My concern sprung up and I unlocked the door from the outside… the lights were off… the room was ransacked… completely trashed… the bathroom door was cracked open and there was a flicker of light coming from within… I slowly opened the door and saw a trail of blood on the floor from the sink to the bathtub… I felt the shock set it… I saw my wife laying in a soon to be overflowing bathtub… submerged up to her chin… deep red water and a pale grey complexion… her wrists has been cut deep…
I quickly bandaged up her wrists and pulled her from the tub… she was breathing but she didn’t respond… I called 911… the ambulance took her away… and I had to stay behind with my girls… we didn’t see her for a few weeks after that…
This was the first of several episodes over the years
That night I fell asleep early in the morning after cleaning up the scene… i was exhausted… I was afraid and hurt… “how selfish can you be…?!” I thought to myself… I laid in bed and drifted off to sleep… sometime during the night, I woke up… I couldn’t breathe… it was as though a hand were covering my mouth and nose… I was paralyzed… I tried and tried to fight what was on me… but I couldn’t move… I was helpless… all I could think of was “Say Jesus”.. so with everything i could muster up I screamed “JESUS!”… the presence lifted… I was relieved and terrified… I didn’t know what happened… I grabbed my loaded gun and put it under my pillow… I grabbed a baseball bat and leaned it next to the bed where I could easily grab it…
After a couple hours I fell back asleep… until I heard a large crash… like someone had pulled all of our dishes from the cabinets downstairs… I was exhausted, emotionally spent and on high alert… I grabbed my gun with one hand and my bat with the other… and headed downstairs…
Next to the stairs on the other side of the half wall was a bureau… it had candles and a few decorations on it… which had been completely cleared onto the floor… shattered glass everywhere… I stepped on shards with my bare feet… it hurt… I walked around and checked every door, window and closet… and found no one… I went back upstairs and checked my daughters who were still sleeping soundly… and safe. I grabbed my blanket, went to my girls room and locked the door… I slowly fell asleep again…
The morning came and I called into work… I obviously needed time to recoup… I went downstairs to clean up the mess in the kitchen… but everything was unbroken and in its original place on the bureau… I questioned my sanity except for the evidence of the glass shards lacerations still in my feet…
The demonic encounters continued for 9 months… sounds of smashing glass… attempted suffocations… blood curdling screams… all with no evidence… fear… fear… fear… I spent the next 3 weeks caring for my kids… occasionally having the neighbor watch them so I could work and take care of things…
My wife came home from the psyc ward… seemingly content… and heavily sedated… I welcomed her home… she didn’t look at me… she walked past me and went straight to our room… she was angry… she said “why did you stop me… I don’t even want to live… I was so embarrassed… you jerk…”
The next month existed of nothing going right… the nightly suffocations became manageable by declaring the name of Jesus.. and the presence would leave every time… the crashing downstairs became less frequent… my wife’s violence shifted to aggravation but It was still a fearful, broken mess…
The demonic might scare you… it scared me… but during that season, I learned a small part of the authority the Jesus gave us in His name… that the name of Jesus is above every other name and all of Hell has to submit to Him… there’s no weapon that has been formed against you that will prosper… if you’re a child of God…
The demonic doesn’t intimidate me anymore… as I’ve drawn closer to the heart of God, I’ve determined that His perfect love casts out fear… not my effort or my strength… just the love of God…
If this resonates with you and you want freedom from fear… knowing God and experiencing His love will cast it out…
Michael
Comments