(About a 4 min read… )
I was raised in the church. It was a good moral foundation, but religious and condemning at the same time. However, it did inspire me to be a good human… As I grew, the concept of “church” became a sour taste on my mouth… for the sake of honor, I attended here and there, I would get involved, usually through music, and then I would pull away as my “religious reminder” alarm would go off…
I was a seeker… I just wanted to know the truth… so after I tried all I could stand of Christian denominations, I started visiting world religions: Buddhist, Hindu, Orthodox Jewish temples, Pagan circles… to name a few… nothing gave me answers… everything required me to never be good enough… I settled on something called pantheism… I called myself a humanist… because It offered me control of my own destiny… it was attainable…
All I knew was that I was done with deception… I was tired of playing “the game” and losing…
I was introduced to a book called “I Am”… I had mediocre Christian roots and found my self intrigued by the title…
In the book, the author established who God was according to the Bible… but as the book progressed, it shifted from humanity being the “likeness” of a powerful God… to a oneness of energy and power… and that WE are Gods… it was a persuasive agreement and I took the bait…
I began speaking over my life… this new found power was exciting and real… I would speak my mantra every morning… I would say “ today, I will have new opportunities, new interactions that will benefit me, new friendships that will draw me to wealth, prosperity is mine, money come to me now!… I will walk in health, wealth and success…” this method proved to be more and more beneficial as I developed over several years… I saw results to my “power of words”… I became more successful, my attitude shifted, I found new opportunities and returns… until…
I was 38yrs old… my wife was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer with mets, I was dumbfounded… up to now, I had been in control… I spent everything I had on doctors and natural remedies… but I couldn’t fix it… all of my efforts and new-found “power” were wasted… and 3 years later she died… I was livid and in dispair…
I came to the end of myself… I was incapable and powerless… I realized the hard way that I couldn’t save myself from… anything…
In desperation, I returned to my roots searching for answers… or hope of any kind… Jesus said that if we seek him we will find him if we seek him with all of our hearts… so… I brought my shattered life and broken heart to the feet of Jesus… I remembered… I approached God like a child… stuttering and stumbling over my words… head down and eyes closed… I said in a quiet and trembling voice “what do you $@&?ing want from me?…” I heard a still small whisper in my head… “you don’t need to try so hard… just let me love you…”… I wasn’t even surprised that I heard God… I was tired and jaded… I remember replying “… I don’t care what you do… if you allow bad things, then kill me now… if you’re only good then save me…”
… that’s when things changed… I received Jesus… I gave Him my “yes…” and he gave me a future… he gave me authority… he pulled me up and out of my despair and placed my feet on solid ground… he propped me up and nursed me back to life… my seeking was satisfied… I found the answers…
A person won’t truly understand what they have been missing until they come to the end of themselves…
If you want to know more about how Jesus can change your life and what that really looks like for you, DM me…
Michael
Comments